al-atihah

emmmmmmm...... sedar tak sedar dah hampir dua bulan aku tak menjengok blog kesayangan aku ni..... why ya? bz ngat ker? hi..hi..hii... bz lah kot!!!! mmmmmm.... apa yang aku nak coretkan kali ni ek? sepanjang dua bulan ni banyak bende yang terjadi... so aku x know where to start......... :)

well.... it's relly so manything happend to me this few month... there is really so many things and one of the part that i can't forgot till now..........

my younger bro pass away... pegi meninggalkan kami semua wthout any pesan... he jst go like that... it's hapend on friday.. 18 June 2010 ... i was surprise when my younger sis call me n let me know abt that... it's really make me "SHOCK"... i jst knew abt he was sick 2 weeks ago n palnt to go n visit him on comming sunday... but he already "go" wthout teling me or others anything.... it's really hurt me.... i lost in my worlds...
Aku dan adik2 yang ada dikota bergegas pulang...Namun it's too late coz , arwah telah selamat dikebumikan sewaktu aku,tam.jang n pakcik sampai.Aku merayu pada uda supaya izinkan aku menatap wajahnya for the last time... but menurut uda , itu adalah yang terbaik buat arwah dan kami semua..Aku redho... aku cuba untuk tidak menagis... i really try hard.. but i can't... ku dakap surah "yassin" kedada.. Pak cik memeluk ku kemas. Ku perhatikan setiap yang berlaku didepan mataku... Uda bertungkus lumus menguruskan 'penempatan' baru arwah... begitu juga adik iparku....
Uda... merangkak..bergelumang dengan tanah.. degan mata yang agak kemerahan.Namun setitis air mata tidak terlhat.Aku tahu uda tabah... aku bertambah pilu menyaksikan tembok pemisah antara kami dan arwah....

dulu... lama dahulu... sewaktu kami dialam kanak2... kami bukanlah dari golongan kanak2 yang bertuah... kami kekurangan segala galanya... Aku, arwah , uda dan andak... andak.... ya!! akhirnya andak sampai... betul2 disaat akhir pengurusan pengkebumian arwah.. Namun andak sempat menambak tanah.Andak menghulurkan tangan ke uda.Uda sambut tenang... aku sayu pabila melihat andak mengucup tangan uda!!! Dia bergerak kearah ku... aku kaku... berdayakah aku menghapuskan segala amarahku .... aku masih terasa sakitnya dengan segala yang andak lakukan setahun yang lalu.

namun aku tewas...sewaktu andak mencapai tanganku dan mengucup tangan lantas memeluk aku n he say sorry.He really hug me... aku menangis lagi... Aku merasakan tubuhku begitu lemah... lebih2 lagi sewaktu pembacaan TALKIN oleh bapa saudaraku sendiri... Suaranya yang sayu.... dan pembacaan yang menyentuh kalbu... aku pilu....

Kini... terpisah sudah semuanya. Kami melangkah meninggalkan arwah sendiri.Sendiri menghadapi nasibnya.. sendiri menghadapi segala getir disana... walau berat rasa hati....Namun kugagahi juga...walau berat langkah ini... ketahuilah wahai adik ku...... along teramat berat untuk melangkah meninggalkan mu sendiri... namun apakan daya... itu mmg perjanjian kita dengan yang satu.... kita adalah pinjaman... dan kini along tahu... angah berada di tempat yang abadi.....
tempat yang sememngnya tempat kita.... dan along pasti... itu yang terbaik buat kita semua...
alfatihah.......

ibu oh ibu...

Hari ini... tanggal 090510.... hari yang SPECIAL buat diriku... setelah 9 tahun bergelar ibu.. aku cukap menantikan hari ini... it's not like others day... it's so special to me.. coz this yr my elder son buy me a rose!! frm his book shop at school. i have scoled him when he asked money frm me. coz i never allowed him to buy food at canteen... i alwayz make sure he have something to eat frm hse.. i x mind to wake up at 5am to cooked for him... i don't mind at all... coz for me... house food is the best food in this worlds..... :)

i's so touching.... when i got a rose frm him... n i knew... my son is growing up now!!! n i hve to work more hard for both of my kids. i want them to have a very WONDERFUL mother n i want them to LOVE me for eva!! I promise my self to b a GUD mother...

i don't want they have feel what i feel to my mother...

i don't want they go tru what i go tru...

i already promise my self n i will keep it up!!!

I know... that is not so easy to b a gud mother.. but i will work on it n make sure everything is fine. I love my kids!! I try to b the best of the best for them.. i x mind to sleep late n to wake up early for them.. i don't mind if i have to work 7 days a week or working more hour for them... everything is so nice when i think abt them... specially when i reach home... n they run to me.. n hug me... n tell m how much they miss me!!! all my tiredness is gone jst like that.....

N i do know my mother love me too... there is never late to love me coz i LOVE her too.

but it's jst because we cannot turn back to the old time... n we cannot stay in a pass time... n we cannot put everything in a frame.... n i really wish the time can make me forgot abt the past... coz the past is the hard time for me.... i need to break it free from my PASS time!!! i need to live a life wth no regret.... COZ life is so wonderful..... HAPPY MOTHER DAYS TO ME .... N TO ALL THE MOTHERS IN THIS WORLDS.... n mak....selamat hari ibu...

Aku yang kehilangan ... dalam diri sendiri... terkurung dalam bayanganmu....
i'm seaching every where.... i try to find up direction...
where to go.... i was standing in the middle of juction...
i don't know where to go.....
to the left or to the right..... both hurt me... if can i wanna stay here...
wait for u to take me home.... if can i jst wait for u to come n to tell me how much u need me....
if can i wanna wait till u come n hug me...
hold me close to u... but i don't know will u come or not...
i don.t know how much longer i can wait...... coz i know... on the way u come to me... there is other way u can go.... there is another juction that u can take.... everythng is in ur hand...
i jst wait wth all the love i keep n make it grow for u....coz i love u so much!!! and i will wait...
i will never make a move....

soalnya hati...sukar dimengerti....

Hati ini merintih lagi.... menangisi sebuah nasib perjalanan hidup.Entah mengapa hati ini makin sayu... ianya makin pilu... bagai ditusuk sembilu nyilu....Kisah hidup yang penuh ranjau berduri..
tersilap langkah... kaki ku tertusuk duri...Andai jemari salah mengalihkannyer pasti duri membuat jari berdarah dan bisanya amat dalam.....
Apa yang kuharapkan .... apa yang ku nantikan.... apa yang ku inginkan.... Sesungguhnya kenyataan itu amat pahit untuk ditelan... Sesungguhnya agan itu amat indah... amat mempersonakan... amat mengasyikan.... Aku tak ingin terjaga lagi.... Aku masih mau tidur... bersama mimpi indah ku ini.... Tolong... tolong..... izinkan aku menyambung mimpi ku ini... yang tak pernah aku alami... yang tak pernah aku rasai... yang tak pernak aku nikmati....
Aku hanya ingin secebis rasa bahagia yang bisa membuatkan aku tersenyum sepanjang hayatku pabila aku mengenangkannya......Izinkan aku dakap sebuah memori yang paling indah ... paling syahdu... sehingga sampai aku menutup mata....
Pejamlah mata ku... pejamlah.... moga kau bermimpi indah lagi.......

KUANTAN.... mengamit kenangan....

mmmmm..... langit membiru mendamaikan rasa....

rombongan ke kuantan .... gelagat anak2 yang mencuit hatiku...

oppppsss.... he my fov HERO... he also in KUANTAN now? hi..hi..hi...

juadah for opening gethering... nasi goreng cooked by izzat.. keopok sponsor by cik puan sue kite... orrang frm land loard.... ALUNIE.... hi..hi..hi..... i sponsor bibik for any help!!!!

mmmmmm.... ABANG n ADIK together wth bibik give a pose when me,sue n alunie go to PASAR TANI.... ewah!! ewah ... posing sakan noooo..... banyak lagi pse dia orang ni... malas aku nak upload.... lawan taukeh betul...

ptgnyer SUE ngan anak2nye telah membawa aku n the HEROS to TAMAN BANDAR... harap2 betul ni... hi..hi..hi... lau salah marah orang kuantan.... :P

adam@nobi..... cute tak? did he look a like his mother......? :P

abang.... selalu nak control...... he like to pose tooo...... emmmmmmmm.......

ADAM .. MIRA n E-SYA.... wah sakan mereka bersenam.....

after penat round satu tasik... semua pakat makan sandwich... sedap tau... home made gitu....

alunie siap simpan kat umah!!!!

Haaaaa..... acara malam... bg ibu2 yang tak berlaki.... hi..hi..hi.... aku n alunie jer... sue telah meninggalkan lakinyer sendiri dimalam itu...... ho..hi..hi...

emmmmmmmm... siapakah yang diantara kami tampak mithali lagi solehah... ha..ha...ha....

jaza alunie..... frd for evar!!!! 1992 t0 2010....

oppppssssss...... we very close in 1995.... n till NOW!!! lady GAGA....

wah.... program terus berjalan lancar... me n family dibawa oleh SUE n anak2 gadisnyer ke AIR TERJUN PANDAN.... oooooo tak sabo rasenyer......

Wah.... it's 100% change... i hve been here on 1995... we hve to pay ticket.. n park abt 20m to walk in.... sesak ooooo... cuti ... holiday!!! every body come here......

First thing first.... after anak2 kecepong to the river..... ibu2 makan dulu.... "bibik... tolong jagain ya..... hi..hi..hi...."

Can u c how happy they r? i'm glad .... n happy for them too...

Anugerah pengasuh terbaik sah2 buat bibik GUE.... gratissssssssss looooo....

mmmmmmm...... will we maet again n have fun like this.......

i love this moment.... i never though i can b so long in the water like this..... oooooo......

Hari2 terakhir aku berada dikuantan... bersama pekej 3 days 2 nite wth ALUNIE n SUE... last minute Lily n Izzat drop by.. n we chat n hve fun by taking picture.... all the crazy pose !!!!

i love this moment... i really want to stop the time.... but i hve no power to do that. but i wish... i pray that our frdship will never end.All of me n frd hve our own life to live wth. Everyone of us hve their on story... i'm happy we got change to b together for a while n share the old story...That's the best moment for me n my frd!!

~ special thanks to labu@ Nadia.. she drive me frm Selangor to Kuantan. Even she not all the time join me n sue n alunie but she make my dream n wish come true... tq to NONO tooo... even we jst spent a little time together but it's tooo sweet for me to remember. I LOVE all of my frd..

When Adik go n VISIT grandma...

I'm surprise... he come to my office wth my sister... He told me he wanted to go wth ateh(my sister) When i asked him " u sure u want to follow ateh n stay wth NENEK?"

he jst answer me... ye lah....Opppppsssss.... Betulkah ini??

Rasenyer i the one yang connot take it kot... friday..sat.. sunday... without adik? Then i asked abang... u going tooo? my elder son jst quite n smile... i hve school on MONDAY n have TEAKWANDO class on sunday!!! then i undertand..... he stay!!!!

Well... i x talk much.. office hour... he jst hug me n kiss me...

but he asked me to hug his MIOW-MIOW... ( his cat )worry abt i miss his cat!!! Oh SON... if u know what i feel now........

aku 2010

After sometimes... i feel i like to write again.. From day one of January 2010.. i really love to start writing... But there is alwayz .. what to write... where to start... Oh GOSH!!! i jst close the chapter n do something else!!! :P

My life have change alot's. I hve done so many things in one time.... Some times i forgot abt my self... i keep doing things n keep my self bz.... What i'm looking for... i'm looking for something...
i'm finding something..... And i founfd it... i keep working to get it..
b mine forever.....